miracle

i woke up at 5 pm today. i went to sleep at 7 am, and i wanted to sleep more but i knew i would totally screw up my schedule if i slept for any longer. i have missed classes yesterday and missed my only one today that was from 11 30 till 2 30. these past few days have been tough because of my cold, but it finally seems to be going away.

i walked over to one of the donut and coffee shops on campus and stood in line listening to crystal castles on my i pod. i was listening to them a little loudly and it must have sounded like i was listening to lame geeky techno. no, i was listening to indie hipster electronic music. it was finally my turn to order. i ordered a small coffee with lots of sugar and milk in it, some berry yogurt, an apple juice, a toasted bagel with cream cheese on it, and 3 donuts. i have this card that has a bunch of money on it that you can only use in some stores on campus. it came with my dorm meal plan. i still have around 200 bucks on it and it feels like you are getting stuff for free when you use it. thats why i ordered so much crap. i took it all and sat down and listened to more crystal castles and ate the yogurt and drank the apple juice. then i ate half of the bagel and i didnt like it so i threw the other half away for the rats to eat. then i took my coffee and 3 donuts and walked back to my room while drinking my sweet creamy coffee.

i killed time by listening to music and looking at music reviews on the internet. then it was 7 so i had to go eat. i smoked a little bit of pot like i have been doing recently. i wont be able to smoke much pot soon in japan, so i have to smoke as much as i can right now so that i become the pot master. i went to the cafeteria and put some rice, potatos, and steamed vegetables on my plate. then i splattered gravy with mushrooms onto my food. the selection today was horrible. i sat down with a cup of coke and tasted the food. even with pot the food was tough to eat. the potatos tasted like they were crushed up once, then stuffed back together and left sitting for a week. the rice tasted like it was sitting under the sun in mexico. the vegetables tasted like they had soap in them or something, and the gravy made everything look like shit.

i ate it all and went to get some more food. i saw my good japanese friend that dances to music like a toy. i took a piece of pizza and he got a sandwich and we sat and talked. the pizza looked like a piece of human flesh. the cheese looked like skin, the tomato sauce looked like blood, and the inner cheese bread looked like fat. when i tell my friends that are eating pizza that it looks like human flesh they usually stop eating and get something else to eat. its a great way to make your friends stop eating pizza. then i went to get tea and i saw the prettiest girl i have ever seen. i see her sometimes in the cafeteria but ive never talked to her. since im moving out of residence soon i probably wont ever get to talk to her unless i man up and sit next to her or something but no, id rather just think about her face.

then my and my friend finished eating and i asked him if he was going to the library after to study because thats what the japanese friends i have here always do. he said maybe, and i told him im going because i need to work on a japanese english translation project and he told me he will help me. i went back to my room and inhaled pot smoke 3 times. gotta be the pot master, never gonna give up. then i started walking over to the library. i felt like having orange juice so i put 2 bucks into a vending machine and pressed the orange juice button. it made a sound, and gave me 25 cents back. WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ORANGE JUICE i thought in my head, and i started to walk away. then i went back and stuck my hand up the part where the orange juice should have came from. some people saw me. i must have looked like a retarded teen trying to get free juice. i walked over to another vending machine and bought another orange juice with money that my mom sent me. she always makes sure i have money. even when the family is low on money. <3

this time it worked. canadian vending machines are a joke. they still use old crappy vending machines that dont work a quarter of the time. you cant use bills, and the machine that gives you coins for bills is always out of service and even when it is, you need a clean almost unused bill or else it just gives you your bill back. in japan you never have to worry about anything like that.

i got to the library and saw my japanese friend and another japanese friend. they were with a canadian and they told me that he was writing a paper on marijuana legalization. i asked him if it would become cheaper and he said he didnt know and i immediately lost interest. he said that it would enable more research on it and stuff.

then i pulled out the japanese story and we started working on it. it was hard japanese, and we talked about how it must be hard for the other students in my class that suck at japanese. after around 30 minutes of translating we flipped a page and saw a drawing i did of a guy bad tripping on some kind of drug covered in sweat with his eyes screwed up. we both laughed and the other japanese friend that is around 24 years old came over. he looked at it and laughed. they think im really creative. the drawing wasnt that creative. i use honorifics when i talk to to the 24 year old guy, which means that i basically add "sir" after each sentence. in japanese you have to use honorifics to older people than you and its way more complicated then just adding "sir" to the end of the sentence. i dont like using it because it makes you sound like a slave. i almost never use it but one day i was with my japanese friends and we decided that i would use honorifics to the oldest of us. it makes it hard to talk to him, but it shows respect and he is nice so its fine.

we worked on my translation thing for a little more, and then came closing time. we left and i told them about my the vending machine stealing my orange juice. we made fun of vending machines here and laughed. then we got to the vending machine that stole my money and the old guy said that he will buy another one and see if 2 will come out. he said he was scared because either none could come out, one could come out, or 2 could come out. he put a coin in and it came out. we laughed. he didnt even consider that option. unable to buy. he put another one in and it also came out. we laughed. then the other guy put a coin in and it worked. we laughed again because of the randomness of it. he was able to put in all of his coins with any coming out. we all took a deep breath of air. he pressed the orange juice button, and the machine stopped for a few seconds, and then 5 drinks came out. we cheered, what an amazing miracle. he broke the curse. he gave us each an orange juice and kept the 3 other juices. we said we should write a warning for other foreign students who come from places with better technology. we couldnt think of a simple good one. i needed to go pee so i told them so and ran to the toilet near by. then i came out and we decided to write "Warning: drinks may not come out" or something like that on the warning sticker that has a picture of the vending machine falling on a person.

then i came back to my room. time to think of something to do.

boring days

yesterday

i heard my red cell phone ring so i reached for it with my skin colored hand. it was my parents friend. he was going to help me with some tax papers and my paper on why i want to enter the school or art. i told him i need one more hour of sleep and one hour later he called again. he said he would pick me up in 30 minutes. i thought it would be fun to smoke a bit of pot before i met him so i took a couple of puffs. it made me feel cool. then he got to the dorms so i went out side and got into his car and we drove over to his house talking about stuff that i dont remember.

we got to his place and his gay partner was in the kitchen. i said hi to him and then their dog came running to me. the dog likes me because i pet it and play with it a lot when i go there because i get bored. they asked me if im hungry and i said yes so one of them made me a sandwich. i dont like sandwiches but it was kind of him to make me one and i ate it. curling was on and we started talking about the teams. they were hoping that either china or japan would win, but it looked like canada was going to win. they said that they hate how aggressive jennifer jones was. i didnt know that jennifer jones was aggressive because ive only seen her play once. i really like looking at her face. there is a girl in the dorms that looks exactly like her. i bet they both would be really hard to talk to, but their asses would be nice to cover with your hands. so smooth, tender, like an angel soaked in baby oil.

they had to go to some art opening and i hate going to art galleries because i always leave disappointed so i stayed at their house and wrote my paper on why i want to go to art skool. the real reason is that its the easiest way to get a degree for me and i hate studying, but i wrote a bunch of lies down. they came home and one of them checked my paper and said its good. i was relieved that it was ok. then i walked over to the cd shop. i used to buy cds every couple of days. i dont buy them at all any more. i went into the store and looked at the new releases section and saw that they had the crystal castles lp and decided to buy it. i got out of the store and made little cheerful noises with my voice. i was really happy. having an actual cd with a cd case is something i love. i wanted to get back to the gay guys' place so that i could listen. i walked fast.

the gay guys both liked the cd and told me i made an amazing purchase. the songs all sounded the same and they were all good but not amazing. i sat on the couch looking at the album art. then the dog came with a ball in its mouth but i didnt want to play the ball game. i started to pet it and it forgot about the ball. one of the guys saw me petting the dog and walked away. he must have been proud.

then supper was ready so we sat at the table. he made sticky rice for me because he knows i like it. i put some rice into my bowl and put some stir fry stuff that he made in it as well. i started eating but i couldnt taste it at all. it was because of my cold. i only ate half and started feeling a little sick. after that i played with the dog for a while and they said they will drop me off. they made me a little take home package. cookies, a sweet bun, and some of the rice and stir fry.

after i got back i slept for 2 hours and then couldnt sleep any more. i felt awful. i went on the computer and surfed the web, wondering what ill do for the rest of the night. i had absolutely nothing to do, but then one of my best friends from japan signed into MSN and i was relieved. i hadent talked to him for a while, and i didnt have to worry about boredom any more. we chatted online like nerds. then he said that he would try to get my other best russian friend ONLINE. after a little while we were all online. all on the computer. very uncool. i hadent talked to the russian friend for around 4 months. i told him im still a virgin and that i smoke pot and walk around almost every day and he told me that im so cool. like a gay cool boy. he is probably the weirdest guy i know. i told him im going to japan in 2 weeks. they both live in japan so ill get to see them very soon. i am going to punch them and grab their arms. the japanese guy has fat arms and the russian guy has skinny arms. for some reason i love grabbing their arms. they dont like it when i grab. i dont care i just wanna have fun!

i chatted online for 5 hours. pretty shameful, but it killed a lot of time. then i started feeling sick and realized i hadent ate for a long time so i took the rice and stir fry out of the fridge and ate a bit of it. i didnt care about the taste. it was cold and sick, but i needed some food in me. i felt a little better so i took a shower and came back to my room. i packed some weed in my apple, and attached it to my home made plastic bottle bong. i toked at 6 am, and it felt great. i was already feeling weird because of the cold, but the pot made it even weirder. then i layed in my bed and closed my eyes and saw cool colors. i started imagining different images in my head. weed when you have a cold is just like taking a trip into the psychedelic world of saikadelika.

today

i checked my clock. it was one. i missed my japanese class that starts at 12 30. i skipped the class so many times that if i missed 2 more i would fail. now that i missed todays class i cant miss any more. i think school is done in a week or something though. i dont give a damn, as long as i get ok grades.

i went to the cafeteria and there wasnt much food because it was just before dinner time starts. i went to the stir fry section and ordered some chicken stir fry dish. i got some coke and orange juice and sat down. i didnt feel like eating at all, and i could only take a couple of bites. i sat for a bit more and left. i got back into my room and thought about what to do. i had a great idea. i would become the master of bation! the god of white! i looked at some public flash porn and jacked off. after that i listened to the song "irene" by caribou a bunch of times. i love it. then i went to the bank machine and checked if i had any money but i didnt. i had 15 bucks, and i was basically out of pot. i phoned the pot dealer on campus and went to his room. he was with the biggest pot head in residence. he is high all day. i fainted and had a small seizure when i first smoked with him when i first came to canada. i asked how much i could get for 15 bucks and the dealer thought a little and told me almost 2 grams, i said cool thanks and then he said actually 1.5 grams. i said ok, slightly disappointed. he put it in a little baggy with the canadian flag on it. i left the room, and got back into my room to take the stems off of the weed. i looked at the baggy and instead of a maple leaf there was a red pot leaf. then i took all of the stems out of my weed and put it back into the baggy.

i decided to go eat dinner at 7. i thought it would be a good idea to smoke some pot before i went and ate so that i could eat more than i would with out pot. i smoked around 0.1 grams and it felt fuckin AAA. it made me feel smooth. i walked over to the cafe and inside, i saw my korean friend and started talking to him. then i saw my japanese friend. we sat together and talked about my cold and ate.

i came back to my room and started listening to crystal castles. then i picked up my bass guitar and thought of something cool so i recorded it and recorded more stuff. i havent been recording that much so it was new and fun, and it was easier to come up with new ideas. i kept recording stuff and erasing and i finally came up with around 7 seconds of music that i like. i was a little bit happy. then i read peoples posts on the SLAP skateboard message board and decided to update this blog. writing blogs about boring days isnt that fun, but i feel better that i finished it now. i dont know what im going to do now. ive only been up for 8 hours and im not tired. 2 more weeks of living alone in residence.

day day

i woke up to dumb teenage girls talking about how drunk they were last night. i tried to sleep more laying in my bed, sheets unwashed for months. the pigs wouldnt stop squeeling so i banged my desk beside my bed. they didnt seem to hear it. after around 10 minutes of girl talk, they finally went away. i still couldnt sleep. probably because i have a fuckin cold. i have had a cold for 3 days now and its not getting any better.

i finally got out of bed 2 hours later, 1 30 pm, and stepped over my huge pile (mountain) of cloths in the middle of my room. my room is covered in cloths, paper, and tons of tissue. i put on my pants, socks, and shoes and went to the cafeteria to eat breakfast.

i walked to the cafeteria, which is around 100 steps away from my room. I went in and gave a chinese girl with an ugly smile my card, and she handed it back to me like a normal girl would. i dont ever get up this early on saturdays so i usually miss lunch, which ends at 2 pm, and lunch time on saturday is breakfast. there were dry pancakes, oily bacon with lots of fat on it, crispy almost potatoless hash bits, and steamed beans and carrots that taste toxic. i took some pancakes, put some syrup on them, and went to eat them in the corner of the cafeteria, where there are big windows and you can see out side. it was snowing like crazy even though its almost april. my plans to skateboard were crushed into little bits, eaten, and shitten out with disgusting corn bits in it. then i went to see what else the cafeteria had to offer me, and i found some fruit. i never eat fruit any more, and this was a good chance to eat some so i put some in a bowl, but right as i was doing that, my japanese friend hit the back of my legs with his knees. my knees were so straight that the sudden bend shocked me. what a classic joke. good old prank. he went and got a hamburger and fries. i only got fries because i need to eat hamburgers with the top bun off using a knife and fork because i have braces. pink braces. i got them 4 months ago. not many people know that i have braces unless i tell them because i hide them. but sometimes i accidently show a glimpse of them when i laugh or talk.

i told my friend about how i made marijuana butter last night and ate it and nothing happened and wasted 10 bucks on the weed, and how my neighbors are loud all night and wake up early and talk loudly right next to my room. i think my neighbor is having a sleep over party with lots of teen girls. they all sound dumb and act the same. i hate girls like that. at least try to sound smart you stupid heads.

i couldnt sleep at all and then when i finally did, they woke me up, and having a cold makes it 10 times harder to live like this. its like im being tortured. i kind of understand how slaves in china and starving people in poor countries feel like now.

then my friend gave me an idea. go to the gym. i dont have a gym pass so i never go, but i heard that you can use someone elses pass and get away with it. i knocked on a japanese girls door that has a gym pass. she wasnt there. then i mailed another japanese friend asking him if i could use his gym pass. i jacked off while waiting for a reply. he said ok so i went and got the card and went to the gym.

by the time i left my room the nice looking snow had stopped falling and it was wet everywhere. it felt bad. i got to the big gym and swooshed my friends card through the gate and it let me in. i tricked the machine. or did the machine trick me? (find out later).

i got in and walked around trying to find the sauna and pool room because those were the two places i wanted to use. after seeing many un erected penises, hair, and man faces i found both the pool room and the sauna. i put my bathing suit on, and went to the sauna after getting myself wet under a shower. the sauna was way hotter than the japanese saunas that i had been in. i guess the japanese people cant take the heat. or maybe the canadians want to take the pain to be a real bro. either way, it was so hot that i was even wetter than i had been before. my arm pits were bleeding sweat, my dick was pissing sweat, and my brain was sweaty so i couldnt think straight. an old man came in. great. competition. he sat down. we sat in silence, waiting for the winp to leave in shame, to see who the real man is. i couldnt take the heat any more. i left. i was feeling a little dizzy, and the walk over to the pool was psychedelic. i got into the pool, and a guy looked at me. i did a little bow with my head and turned away. then i looked at him again and he looked at me and asked me if i wanted to race. i really didnt want to, because i just wanted to take it easy because i have a cold, but i took the challenge. i beat him, but i felt beaten, as if i had beaten my meat nonstop for 100 beatin' hours. i thought it was over, but he said lets race again, and i said ok because he looked like he really wanted to again. he beat me, and i tired myself out, and then he asked for a third race, and i only made it half way and swam the rest really slowly. then he threw a brick in the water and went and got it, and asked me if i could do it. the guy wouldnt fucking stop. i tried to get the brick but my nose felt weird under the deep water and the brick was too heavy and i was too tired. i told him its because i had a cold, and it mainly was but i felt like a fake ass liar. then this fat asian guy rushed towards us, looked at our faces, dived into the water and got the brick, and threw it onto the pool side like an animal, and looked at our faces again. i looked down. what an ass.

i left the pool, and started to feel a little sick. i realized that i had made a big mistake by accepting those challenges, the card machine had tricked me into destroying myself. i felt sicker and sicker, so went to take a shower. then i went in the sauna thinking it would make me feel better, and went to change. i felt pretty bad, and i had to change. i put my cloths on and when i put on my t shirt it was wet. i forgot that i accidently sprayed water onto myself when i was still wearing it while i was testing out the showers. i didnt want to wear the thing, so i put on my fleese jacket. my back was still a little wet and it felt very awful. the water stayed on my back, but i just wanted to get to my room so i could lay on my bed. i put my sweaty socks on, and left.

i felt like throwing up the whole way home, and by the time i was at my building i had to run so that i could throw up somewhere where no one would see me. i ran to my room, took off my jacket, and rushed to the bath tub room. i puked in the sink topless like britney or paris or the pussy cat dolls would do. i felt better right after, and hopped into my dusty but surprisingly comfortable bed and watched a south park episode on the laptop like a geek. then i managed to sleep in silence for an hour or two, and went to eat dinner at 7 because the cafeteria closes at 8. after 8 nothing is open and all you can do is order pizza like a little rat. i ate a lot because i threw up all that was in me. i felt ok, but i still had a runny nose, and the rim of my nose hurts from so many tissue papers scraping away at it. then the japanese guy that lent me his gym pass said he wanted to come to my room just to chill and hang with urban style. i said ok so we went to my room and listened to music while talking about sex. i asked him how it was and he said that jacking off is easier and better unless you're in love with the girl. then an iranian guy knocked on my door. we are "friends" but i dont really enjoy being with him. his english jokes are awful. i said i have a cold the other day and he said i must have the cold because im cold because i was wearing a sweater. i didnt even get it and he explained it, rethought it, and admitted it was terrible. he came into my room, and we started talking about (MIGHT BE A LITTLE BORING FROM HERE TILL END OF CONVERSATION) producers of music. he told me that it is really important to know how the producer puts his feelings into the music. i told him that you cant translate direct feelings into music, and that it doesnt matter how the producer feels, its all about how you feel when you listen to the sounds. then we started talking about feelings like love, and i told him its just a word and that there is no one feeling that is Love, its just a categorization of similar feelings. then the dumb teenage girl that i never talk to that lives next door knocked on my door and told me that im high and that i smell high even though i wasnt. my eyes were a little red from my cold, but that was all. then her and a group of friends told me that they will knock on my door after they go to the bar and we can drink together. i said ok, and shut the door. i like free drugs. then we got into our deep conversation again. the iranian guy said that justice is the same for everyone and there is a right and wrong for everything. me and my japanese friend told him that he could be right if there was some kind of god, but everyone can also have their own rights and wrongs and there could be no universal Right and Wrong for everything we do (which sounds more logical). we talked about this for around 2 or 3 hours, and he wrote his conclusion down. then the dumb girl knocked on my door and said she wanted to get high. she told the japanese guy and the iranian guy that we should all smoke but they said no. they had both never tried the drug, but they werent against it either. she insulted them, and then insulted the iranian guys english by asking him why he goes to this school with english like his. i still wanted to get high with her and the japanese guy and iranian guy left. i packed some weed in my apple and we went out side and smoked some but the wind was too strong and there was a security van near by and i didnt get to smoke at all, and then a guy waiting for his pizza delivery came up to us and i offered him a hit but he said no. he told me that he likes it so much that he stays away from it, and i said oh thinking it was total bull shit, and he told me that i know what hes talkin about. what people will do to look cool. and then i passed the girl the apple and the weak little bitch was like "im ok" and then she fell in the snow while we walked back and it looked very funny. then we met up with some other people and there was a guy wearing lakais so i asked him if he skates and he said yeah its all i fuckin do. i wondered if he could beat my new learned front side flips, or my unforgettable casper stalls. then the dumb bitch said shes going back to our building so i followed. another guy was there, and she started talking to him against the wall. i was by a water fountain so i took a sip. they still werent walking and they were getting closer to each other. how was i going to get out of the awkwardness. then i took another sip. 3 sips would be the limit. i took my last sip and they were still up against the wall. i said bye and the dumb bitch was like "thanks for getting me high" with out even. i felt used. i walked back, thinking damn some girls suck and started to get really sad. then i thought about how it would be useless to get sad and started thinking about other fun stuff. then i wondered why humans become sad over stupid stuff like that, and wondered if me stopping my sadness would pile up and stress me out even more. i decided to stay with the positive flow and went back to my room and got a text message on my cell phone. "are you high ? :D" from the japanese guy. i told him i didnt really get high but i got to watch a sort of fat stupid teen fall in the snow. i wanted to finish the job so i toked some more knowing that i shouldnt be smoking because of my cold. i didnt care, i just wanted to have fun. then the japanese guy text-message-asked me if i wanted to go to another japanese guys room and i told him i smoked some more and im a little high. he said its ok and i went. this was the first time for them to see me high (at least thats what they think he he). one guy was drunk because he went to a bar with a korean, and for some reason the one that send me the message was acting really happy. happier than always. i guess he thought he could act how ever the fuck he wants because i was high and the other guy was drunk. he asked me how i felt, and i told him im not that high, and that everything is nice and that everything seems new. the drunk guy said nice to meet you, i am the new me. i laughed. then me and the happy guy told the drunk guy about our conversation with the iranian guy, and we made it sound funny. then the guy pulled out his cell phone and showed us a gem. he had typed the iranian guy's conclusion of our argument. it was one sentence, with some grammar mistakes and spelling mistakes. it was classic. best thing ive seen. we are going to make t shirts that have that conclusion on them.

then the drunk guy played a russian corny pop song because hes studying russian and said he liked it. then the other japanese guy started swinging his head side to side enjoying the music. the stupidness of the music mixed with the stupidness of his head movements made him look like a wind up toy. he is awesome. then he played another old russian song and this time it sounded interesting. then we listened to more music on youtube, something only new age teens like us would do.

then i came back to my room, and started typing this shit out. it took me a while to type this frikin shit out. now i can read it when im older. yaay. i will go take a shower now, and then probably smoke some weed so that i can get to sleep nicely because it is very hard for me to sleep when i have a cold. i dont know if im making my cold better or worse by smoking a bit of weed before i sleep. it really helps me get rest, but i know its bad for you when you have a cold. either way, its all about tokin it up. i have been smoking a lot of pot to kill time before i go back to japan in a few weeks. there i will be with friends that are actually fun to hang out with.

normal day

today, i woke up at 12:15. i really didnt want to go to class but i havent been going at all so i went. i washed my face, got dressed, and went to class. its getting really cold. i told my mom its getting too cold on the phone on sunday and she told me to walk faster, so i usually run to class now. i got to class and saw all of the geeks. all of the people in advanced japanese class are anime nerds. one guy always wears stupid shirts with stuff like "I dont know your name, so ill just call you STUPID". he had his hair dyed red and green. Christmas spirit. while doing excercises, i wrote my diary that we have to hand in every monday for class. then i started studying for the test that i was supposed to take on friday, but slept in. the teacher wrote 4 questions on the board and it took everybody around 10 minuts. it seriously took my around 10 seconds. it was the easiest excercise this term. then after class i went to the teacher and asked if i could take the test, so i walked to the office with her and took the test. i probably got an A.

then i went to eat. i had fries. they are my favorite kind of food. i sat with a korean guy and an african guy. then i went into my room and took my last pain killer pill. i had saved the last one for a school day.

then i went to class. i wore my winter jacket for the first time to class today so some people told me that they liked my jacket. i wanted to say something clever back, but i could only thing of "thanks". i was supposed to teach the class today, so i had my little note book with ideas for what to do for class that i wrote 20 minuts before class in my pocket. first we had to go to the computer lab and watch some art work by a guy in our class. it was a slides with sentences and words in them. they were so fuckin funny. they were really serious, and this really emotional back ground music was playing. then the guy explained the piece, and he said that the Lord put us on earth. i finally figured out which person complained to my teacher about my art project about religion. i had pictures of 30 year old men jacking off with their mothers opening the door saying "oh God" and fat guys fucking sluts yelling out "oh my GOD" and other God and Jesus related pics and quotes. my teacher only told me that someone in the class complained. not who. now i know.

after we watched the emo slids, we went to the class room and i waited out side while the teacher made everybody sit in rows. boys werent allowed to sit beside each other. then i went in, and told them to do stuff like draw 2cmX2cm abstract drawings and draw their favorite pop star with 3 year old versions of themselves. i also made people draw something they hate and throw it in the garbage. then we did collage party. i colored words. this is what art school is.

class ended and i realised that the pain killer i took didnt effect me at all. then i went and ate dinner before my next class. i sat with only asians. to come to think of it, i basially only sit with asians. sometimes the odd african or cock asian, but its usually by myself or with a yellow man. the yellow men are fun and easy to hang around with most of the time.

then i went to film class and watched a movie called hard core logo. it was ok. then i sat and listened to the teacher talk about the plot till 10pm. i started walking home, but i realised how long it was going to take so i ran. i had my hands in my pocket, so i didnt really look that cool. it was a sneaky run. like a run you would see someone run when they wanted to get home to jack off. thats exactly what i fucking did. a mans gotta do what a mans gotta do. Cheers.

then i went to a japanese friends room and talked about a girl he likes in japan and then his room mate got pizza so i ate a piece. i can understand people with room mates ordering pizza, but i would rather get one of my balls squeezed than ordering pizza for myself at night. its so creepy. like a rat that wants food. if anybody saw me ordering a pizza what would they think? ewwww what a fat rat. thats what they would think. thats why i dont order.

then i went back to my room, and ate a banana. its cold in my room for some reason, so i have to wear a fleas jacket and a scarf. i dont know what im going to do now.

so long forever!

legally high

today i woke up at around 3 in the morning and took some tylenol pills. i tried to go back to sleep again but i couldnt, so i lay in bed listening to music. at first i was listening to slow music but then i said fuck it and put some lightning bolt on and had a bed party by myself. i kept picking up books, reading the first page, then listening to music, and taking pills every 3 hours till around 9 am. at 9 am, the 2 guys woke up that are taking care of me during this wisdom teeth removal recovery. i had to get 5 teeth pulled out. one of the guys made me one egg and a piece of toast that he cut up into little pieces and put lots of butter on it. i chewed it with my toung and ate most of it. i felt pretty drugged up so i wanted to go for a walk, so i went to the movie shop with the other guy and their dog. we went to block buster and rented broken flowers because i have to write a paper on it for monday. when we got home i felt like throwing up so i took a nap. after a one and a half hour nap i asked for one of the guys to make some ginger tea for me, and i put some classical cds they had on. after the tea, i decided to go out to buy a cd. i walked to the cd shop. on the way there i found a needle on the ground. i kicked it into some grass so that i could investigate it on my way home. i thought it could be heroine. i was pretty damn excited. i have never seen any hard drugs. if it was heroine, i was going to decorate it in my dorm room. after i got close to the cd shop i started seeing lots of people. they all looked at me and some of them kind of laughed. my huge cheeks make me look like a walking joke. then in the cd shop, i took the new black dice cd and the new most serene republic cd and asked them if i could listen to it. they talked to me with sympathy. they probably thought i was born with these cheeks. they told me to go to listening station 4, so i halled my fat ass cheeks to the listening station and started listening to black dice. i was pretty let down. im a fan of their music, but it sounded the same as their older cds. it sounded worse actually. then i listened to the most sereene republic. ive heard the first song on the internet, and i love it, but i didnt know about the other tracks. then i asked the girl working at the cd shop for recommendations. she asked what kind of music, so i said pop. she said 'like spoon?' and i said 'umm yeah maybe with a higher voice'. then she told all the people working there that i was looking for music like spoon but with a higher voice. i must have looked so dumb. then she asked me if i had the new band of horses and i said yeah. then she put some cd onto the listening station so i halled my big ass cheeks to the listening station. at this point my cheeks were touching the ground. i was dragging them, and they were wet, so they would leave a little trail of liquid behind me. i feared that the cheeks would get so big that my body would get eaten up.

i listened to the cd she put on, but it wasnt that great. nothing special to me. i went to look for more cds. i was determined to buy at least one cd. then i picked up a cd that looked punkish, and an old magnetic feilds cd. i asked the girl if i could listen to them, and she looked kind of pissed. people act different to you when you look weird and ugly. i said thanks and went and listened. they both were ok, but nothing too special. i felt like i had to buy at least one cd, so i bought the most serene republic (am i even spelling it right?) and walked out. i went to the heroine needle, and picked it up. it had nothing left in it, so i took the cap off. the needle wasnt there any more. i was pissed. i walked home and listened to the cd while drawing shitty pictures of myself and my cheeks. the dog kept coming up to me with a ball. it was starting to get really annoying. it would touch me with its wet nose, and i would have to pet it, because the owners love it so much. i like the dog but i wish it would leave me alone sometimes.

at 5 pm me and the 2 guys went to a christmas parade. everything was starting to piss me off. it was probably the pills that i was taking. i started making fun of everything like the advertizements and the dumb people in the parade. i think the 2 guys had enough of me, but they kept being nice although they would never start conversations. they are nice for taking care of me, so i kind of felt bad so i started trying to act really nice. then we got home and they made me my favorite kind of food. japanese style rice with flavored meat ontop. i couldnt chew it and my mouth hurt, and it made me feel sad because i couldnt eat it. they kept saying how good it turned out, and i wanted to cry. then i took a bath and took some pills and went to bed. a few hours later i woke up in pain, so i went to get more pain killers. i took them and drank some chocolate milk and them made myself some tea. my plan was to write the broken flowers paper at night, so i guess thats what im going to do right now. the last thing i want to do right now is write a stupid paper. essays are so stupid. but i guess the more bad things you go through, the better the good things in life will seem.

comeback

yesterday, i woke up at 1 30. i wanted to sleep more, but lunch is until 2 pm at the cafetiria. i went there and put 2 pieces of french toast on a plate. then i saw a japanese friend, so i went and ate with him. my hair seemed to be standing up in one spot, so i got comments about that. my brain doesnt work in the morning that well. a few days ago, a guy asked me if i was high when he talked to me in the morning. i wasnt high. just sleepy. i ate the 2 pieces of dry french toast and drank milk and talked about what we do everyday. he told me that he studies in his room a lot. he must jack off a lot.

then i went to another japanese friends room to see his new hair cut. i heard from a friend the night before that he got drunk by himself and shaved his own head. i saw him and he looked like a monkey. i saw his lighter, and asked him if he's ever sprayed paint at a fire. he said no, and he wanted to see what its like. we didnt have any spray paint, so we took his room mates hair spray and went out side. out side we saw a guy who is friends with everyone. he is good looking and he fucks a lot of women. i dont really like hanging out with him although he is nice to me. i never have anything to day. we lit the lighter and sprayed the spray at the fire. it wasnt that amazing. we laughed at it a little and decided to go back inside. then me and my japanese friend went to IQs, a coffee shop with pool tables. all the places to hang out on campus have lame names that make me mad. the bar is called Wise Guys, and there is a place to eat called Degrees. Fuck.

i bought chocolate milk and challenged my friend to a pool match. the loser has to pay for the table. i lost and had to pay him 3 bucks and 50 cents. im pretty low on money since i got fined 50 bucks for smoking weed right out side of the residence building. then we got sick of each other so we said bye to each other and left each other. i dont remember but i think i jacked off in my room after that.

then i decided to take a bus to downtown and walk around because i had absolutely nothing to do. i took a 30 minute bus ride. i walked around and saw around 100 native people smoking cigarettes. then i went into a mall, but everything was closed. i didnt know that everything closes at 5 pm on sundays. it was cold out side and i had nothing to do. i started feeling sad. then i decided to walk over to another part of town. i started walking, and i started making noises with my voice. i also started singing wolf parade songs to myself and it felt cool. a guy saw me singing. i dont know what he thought of me.

i got to the part of town i was walking to after around 30 minutes of walking. i thought i would check out a book shop that i saw when i was riding on the bus. i walked half way there and decided that ill just go back to univeristy. i went to the bus stop and saw my american friend. i walked up to him from behind and suddenly opened his back pack. he looked back and said hey fucker. i asked him if he thought some person was trying to steel stuff from his back pack. he told me he didnt knwo what was going on. we rode the bus, and it was crowded so we sat in different spots. i listened to my ipod and felt like nothing.

i got back to rez, and played my guitar for a bit and then went to eat. i saw the japanese guy i ate with in the morning. there was also a japanese girl there. i started talking, and i forgot that i had a japanese personality. i can talk faster in japanese, so it makes me different. it felt kind of good. we talked for 2 hours. then i went back to my room and wrote a poem for class. we have to make a mask and read a poem for class. here is the poem i wrote. its kind of lame.

You are my guilty pleasure.

im a fuckin bird
i watch you masterbate
from trees
i watch you laughing at your own jokes
from the sky
i watch you cry when youre sad
from your window
i watch you eat candy and watch tv
while i am stuck out side eating little dry pieces of old bread
i watch you do that thing that nobody knows about
but my brain is too small to remember any of this
so you dont have to worry


i still have to make a mask. im just going to tie a bunch of pieces of wood together. im too lazy to make a detailed mask. then i sat in my room, with nothing to do for 2 hours. i went through my whole itunes and listened to the good songs. i sent my parents and brother and japanese friends emails. then i went out side to go skating at around 2 am but it was too wet and cold to skate, so i came back to my room. then i got my shower gear ready, walked to the shower room and cleaned myself. i shampood my whole body. then i took a bath.

i did nothing till 3 30 am and then i layed in bed and tried to sleep. i dont like my life here. i am not comfortable talking to anyone. it feels like i always have to prove myself to people. its tiring.

today, i woke up at 12 pm and made a cup of tea, and walked to japanese class while drinking the tea. i take pride in this activity. i think its stylish. walking around while drinking tea and listening to music. i saw my american friend walking, and i went over to him and i got the response i was waiting for. he laughed at the tea cup. : ) . then i went to class and talked about japan with a geek who lived in the same city as me for one year. all the people in japanese class are anime geeks, or just plain nerds.

after class i went to eat. i had tacos and salad and tea and a bagel. me and my japanese friend that doesnt smoke pot much at all talked about how it would be cool to go somewhere where there arent many people, smoke pot, and run around. we smoked pot together once and he ran around campus listening to sum 41 dancing and skipping. i ran with him but i didnt have my ipod. he lent it to me, and he didnt have many songs that i liked, so i put on blink 182s whats my age again and ran around. i felt naked, good, lame, cool, and creative.

after lunch i went to drawing class, and had to draw cloth and glass. everyone was complaining that drawing still life was boring. a girl brought a kitten to class and everybody was playing with the pussy cat. they were treating it as though it were a pussy. after that, somebody said 'hey its snowing'. i looked out the window and it was snowing hard. the first hard snow of the year. ive had never seen so much snow in the air. i went out side and tears came out of my eyes because it felt nice. i went back inside and talked about drugs and then drew a girl and then drew a cat with slime coming out of its mouth, pouring onto a guy doing the peace sign with both of his hands, with 2 naked people standing on each side. it looked ok, but not great. then a guy asked me if i knew where he could get some pot, and i told him yeah, we can get some after class. after class, the guy and 2 girls came to my small room. i didnt want to call my dealer because its a pain in the ass. i had a gram of pot in my room so i gave it to the guy. i didnt care about giving it away because i am taking a break from bob marley life. does bob marley always have a smile on his face? no. getting high is normal to him. i wanna smile when i get high.

one of the girls was a tiny tiny tiny bit over weight. i had a little drawing on my wall of a melting person eating a chocolate bar and a banana. above it it says FAT. the guy commented on it and everybody looked at it and kind of laughed but the slightly over weight person didnt. i kind of felt sorry.

then we all went out of my room, and i said bye to them because i had to go eat dinner before my last class of the day. i had a sandwich and tea for dinner. i ate with japanese people.

then i went to film studies class. i took this class because i like some movies. it turns out that we watch old western movies, then watch parts over again, and then listen to an old boring man talk about it. im dropping it next semester. todays class was different though. we watched a modern movie. i forget what it was called, but it was about a family going to see the daughter that lives in new york for thanks giving. it was an ok movie. then the torture started. we started watching 2 scenes from the movie over and over. we watched the same scenes 4 times. after the third time i was pissed off and stressed out. then he said ok one last time, and i thought oh god man, come on man, you cant do this to me. i put my hood over my head and started making mad faces to myself. then i started saying the word 'fuck' over and over quietly. finally, after 3 hours of sitting, the class was done. he handed back everyones papers before we got to leave. we had to write papers about the movie "rebel without a cause". i seemed to be the only one in the class who didnt like it. he said "i wish you would have like it more". i got a C. he wrote "im sorry that you didnt like the film" on my paper at least 3 times. then i walked home and got a headache. it is getting too cold. then i came back, and im sitting here and my head still hurts. i have to make the mask for tomorrow soon, but i think i will go for a quick skateboard ride before i make it. its probably going to be too cold to have fun. maybe not. maybe my headache will ruin my skateboard ride.

oh, i also forgot that i had a cookie and some milk right when i got back from film studies class. it tasted good.

end.

University

I moved into my dorm room yesterday. the room has a bed that squeeks when you move on it, a desk to jack off at, and some room to gEt cReAtIvE. i have a fridge. i store water in it. i also have some jam my grandma made in there.

It said "floor meeting at 5pm" on my door. it was still 11am and i had nothing to do so i went for a walk around campus. it was boring. then i got back and layed around till 5:13 or so. i didnt know where the floor meeting was so i walked around and found it. i was late, like a punk. around 10 teens were in a circle introducing themselves. i sat on a chair beside the circle and pretended that i didnt care that i was late. then the leader asked me to introduce myself so i said "my name is riley and ive been living in japan for the past 14 years and i like music and i LIKE TO SKATEBOARD". i couldnt think of what to say so i had to reveal my sk8r fag identity. then the leader explained some stuff that was completely useless, and we went back into our rooms like little rats. i thought about cool ways of introducing myself while laying on the bed like "hi, my name is riley and i like sleeping , and i hate bruce springsteen and i want to kill the rolling stones. sorry". they would think im so artistic.

then i heard some music next door. the girl living next door seems to be a total north american Teenie. i peeked in her room and i saw a poster of a macho guy with his shirt off, smiling a little. the music i heard was also teenie music. top hit teen music. hey hey u u i dont like ur girl friend. hey there delila how is it in nu york city i love u baby. that type of stuff. she seemed to have a friend over. i heard them bitching about their friends.

then i went to eat dinner with the floor leader, and 2 other normal looking girls. i didnt say a word. they were talking about text books. i had salad and fried rice and some other stuff. the food seamed to be fresh, so it was tOtAllY tIgHt. i also had milk, and then i put water into the milk cup and the water stank. it smelled like a wet cow's tit.

i got back to my room, and started feeling sad and mad and bad because i was bored. i layed around and played the guitar for a few more hours, and then the room leader knocked on my door. she asked if i was interested in the little party at 9. i said yeah and she told me where to meet up. i thanked her and shut the door.

the clock hit nine in the ass, so i went to the meeting spot. a chinese guy introduced himself to me, and we talked about china. we got to the party. it was nothing like i expected. it was a normal sized room with a bunch of people shouting/talking to eachother. i got my free beer and then a japanese girl walked in and the chinese guy knew her so he said hi, and i talked to her in japanese. then more asians came. korean and chinese. then more japanese came and i talked to them. i started drinking my other free beer and i started to sweat like a pig running around on the sun. i dont know why. the room was hot, but i was the only one sweating. they must have thought im weak against alcohol. i was mad because i wasnt drunk or anything. just a little more positive than usual. me and the chinese guy finished our 2 free beers so we went to see if we could buy more. they said no, u cant. we left the party.

we got back to the dorm and the chinese guy invited me into his room so i went in. then he pulled down his pants and he had a small boner. JUST KIDDING.

we got into his room and he had a lap top with an apple mark on the middle of it. i said 'oh u have a mac'. he said no, and showed me it was just a sticker. he told me he likes the logo a lot. then we went to my room and i showed him my computer. its a mac. he said cool about 10 times, and saw my ipod and said it 10 times more, because it was a second generation ipod. he used my computer a bit, and i wanted to tell him to stop, but i was to embarrassed. it wasnt very comfortable. then he said 'wut r u goin to do nou?', so i told him that i am going to go to the bar to see if its open. he came along. it wasnt open. we got back to the dorm and said bye to each other. i couldnt sleep. i finally fell asleep ar 2 am, and it wasnt a real good sleep.

i woke up at 8am, and went to a residents orientation for the people in the dorm. they had doughnuts for breakfast but they were out of juice. i didnt eat any because they looked dry. then a 25 year old 100% jock came in and showed us a slide show. it was about how words like "gay" and "slut" can be harmful, and that everybody is different. it was the most fucked up slide show that i have ever seen. then all of the room leaders introduced themselves and an assholish looking guy in a suit came into the room. some guys went "WHOOO!". i thought, "oh, god". the guy in the suit was proud of himself. then he gave a speech, and he told us that we shouldnt be embarrassed and not go "WHOOOO" when he comes in, and that we should all cheer, and be ourselves. thats what he actually said. what a dumb rotten penis.

then we were sent out side, where we waited for the next order. the chinese guy was with me, and more asians started coming. as soon as i knew it, i was with 6 asian guys. then i talked to an african guy, and we were sent into a gym. there, we were shown a boring awful video about some volunteer group called shinerama. they shine your shoes for donations. i wanted to pay them 20 dollars to stop talking. my stomach was starting to hurt. then it was finally over and we went to a free BBQ. i talked to a cool japanese guy, and then another cool japanese guy. i hung out with them and ate a BBQ burger. then one of them came to my room, and i went to his, and we said bye to each other.

so far, i've only made asian friends. so far i have found noone that shares the same intersts as me, and im bored. i have 3 more days of orientation. WHOOO!.

i have to go to a party at 9.