normal day

today, i woke up at 12:15. i really didnt want to go to class but i havent been going at all so i went. i washed my face, got dressed, and went to class. its getting really cold. i told my mom its getting too cold on the phone on sunday and she told me to walk faster, so i usually run to class now. i got to class and saw all of the geeks. all of the people in advanced japanese class are anime nerds. one guy always wears stupid shirts with stuff like "I dont know your name, so ill just call you STUPID". he had his hair dyed red and green. Christmas spirit. while doing excercises, i wrote my diary that we have to hand in every monday for class. then i started studying for the test that i was supposed to take on friday, but slept in. the teacher wrote 4 questions on the board and it took everybody around 10 minuts. it seriously took my around 10 seconds. it was the easiest excercise this term. then after class i went to the teacher and asked if i could take the test, so i walked to the office with her and took the test. i probably got an A.

then i went to eat. i had fries. they are my favorite kind of food. i sat with a korean guy and an african guy. then i went into my room and took my last pain killer pill. i had saved the last one for a school day.

then i went to class. i wore my winter jacket for the first time to class today so some people told me that they liked my jacket. i wanted to say something clever back, but i could only thing of "thanks". i was supposed to teach the class today, so i had my little note book with ideas for what to do for class that i wrote 20 minuts before class in my pocket. first we had to go to the computer lab and watch some art work by a guy in our class. it was a slides with sentences and words in them. they were so fuckin funny. they were really serious, and this really emotional back ground music was playing. then the guy explained the piece, and he said that the Lord put us on earth. i finally figured out which person complained to my teacher about my art project about religion. i had pictures of 30 year old men jacking off with their mothers opening the door saying "oh God" and fat guys fucking sluts yelling out "oh my GOD" and other God and Jesus related pics and quotes. my teacher only told me that someone in the class complained. not who. now i know.

after we watched the emo slids, we went to the class room and i waited out side while the teacher made everybody sit in rows. boys werent allowed to sit beside each other. then i went in, and told them to do stuff like draw 2cmX2cm abstract drawings and draw their favorite pop star with 3 year old versions of themselves. i also made people draw something they hate and throw it in the garbage. then we did collage party. i colored words. this is what art school is.

class ended and i realised that the pain killer i took didnt effect me at all. then i went and ate dinner before my next class. i sat with only asians. to come to think of it, i basially only sit with asians. sometimes the odd african or cock asian, but its usually by myself or with a yellow man. the yellow men are fun and easy to hang around with most of the time.

then i went to film class and watched a movie called hard core logo. it was ok. then i sat and listened to the teacher talk about the plot till 10pm. i started walking home, but i realised how long it was going to take so i ran. i had my hands in my pocket, so i didnt really look that cool. it was a sneaky run. like a run you would see someone run when they wanted to get home to jack off. thats exactly what i fucking did. a mans gotta do what a mans gotta do. Cheers.

then i went to a japanese friends room and talked about a girl he likes in japan and then his room mate got pizza so i ate a piece. i can understand people with room mates ordering pizza, but i would rather get one of my balls squeezed than ordering pizza for myself at night. its so creepy. like a rat that wants food. if anybody saw me ordering a pizza what would they think? ewwww what a fat rat. thats what they would think. thats why i dont order.

then i went back to my room, and ate a banana. its cold in my room for some reason, so i have to wear a fleas jacket and a scarf. i dont know what im going to do now.

so long forever!


legally high

today i woke up at around 3 in the morning and took some tylenol pills. i tried to go back to sleep again but i couldnt, so i lay in bed listening to music. at first i was listening to slow music but then i said fuck it and put some lightning bolt on and had a bed party by myself. i kept picking up books, reading the first page, then listening to music, and taking pills every 3 hours till around 9 am. at 9 am, the 2 guys woke up that are taking care of me during this wisdom teeth removal recovery. i had to get 5 teeth pulled out. one of the guys made me one egg and a piece of toast that he cut up into little pieces and put lots of butter on it. i chewed it with my toung and ate most of it. i felt pretty drugged up so i wanted to go for a walk, so i went to the movie shop with the other guy and their dog. we went to block buster and rented broken flowers because i have to write a paper on it for monday. when we got home i felt like throwing up so i took a nap. after a one and a half hour nap i asked for one of the guys to make some ginger tea for me, and i put some classical cds they had on. after the tea, i decided to go out to buy a cd. i walked to the cd shop. on the way there i found a needle on the ground. i kicked it into some grass so that i could investigate it on my way home. i thought it could be heroine. i was pretty damn excited. i have never seen any hard drugs. if it was heroine, i was going to decorate it in my dorm room. after i got close to the cd shop i started seeing lots of people. they all looked at me and some of them kind of laughed. my huge cheeks make me look like a walking joke. then in the cd shop, i took the new black dice cd and the new most serene republic cd and asked them if i could listen to it. they talked to me with sympathy. they probably thought i was born with these cheeks. they told me to go to listening station 4, so i halled my fat ass cheeks to the listening station and started listening to black dice. i was pretty let down. im a fan of their music, but it sounded the same as their older cds. it sounded worse actually. then i listened to the most sereene republic. ive heard the first song on the internet, and i love it, but i didnt know about the other tracks. then i asked the girl working at the cd shop for recommendations. she asked what kind of music, so i said pop. she said 'like spoon?' and i said 'umm yeah maybe with a higher voice'. then she told all the people working there that i was looking for music like spoon but with a higher voice. i must have looked so dumb. then she asked me if i had the new band of horses and i said yeah. then she put some cd onto the listening station so i halled my big ass cheeks to the listening station. at this point my cheeks were touching the ground. i was dragging them, and they were wet, so they would leave a little trail of liquid behind me. i feared that the cheeks would get so big that my body would get eaten up.

i listened to the cd she put on, but it wasnt that great. nothing special to me. i went to look for more cds. i was determined to buy at least one cd. then i picked up a cd that looked punkish, and an old magnetic feilds cd. i asked the girl if i could listen to them, and she looked kind of pissed. people act different to you when you look weird and ugly. i said thanks and went and listened. they both were ok, but nothing too special. i felt like i had to buy at least one cd, so i bought the most serene republic (am i even spelling it right?) and walked out. i went to the heroine needle, and picked it up. it had nothing left in it, so i took the cap off. the needle wasnt there any more. i was pissed. i walked home and listened to the cd while drawing shitty pictures of myself and my cheeks. the dog kept coming up to me with a ball. it was starting to get really annoying. it would touch me with its wet nose, and i would have to pet it, because the owners love it so much. i like the dog but i wish it would leave me alone sometimes.

at 5 pm me and the 2 guys went to a christmas parade. everything was starting to piss me off. it was probably the pills that i was taking. i started making fun of everything like the advertizements and the dumb people in the parade. i think the 2 guys had enough of me, but they kept being nice although they would never start conversations. they are nice for taking care of me, so i kind of felt bad so i started trying to act really nice. then we got home and they made me my favorite kind of food. japanese style rice with flavored meat ontop. i couldnt chew it and my mouth hurt, and it made me feel sad because i couldnt eat it. they kept saying how good it turned out, and i wanted to cry. then i took a bath and took some pills and went to bed. a few hours later i woke up in pain, so i went to get more pain killers. i took them and drank some chocolate milk and them made myself some tea. my plan was to write the broken flowers paper at night, so i guess thats what im going to do right now. the last thing i want to do right now is write a stupid paper. essays are so stupid. but i guess the more bad things you go through, the better the good things in life will seem.



yesterday, i woke up at 1 30. i wanted to sleep more, but lunch is until 2 pm at the cafetiria. i went there and put 2 pieces of french toast on a plate. then i saw a japanese friend, so i went and ate with him. my hair seemed to be standing up in one spot, so i got comments about that. my brain doesnt work in the morning that well. a few days ago, a guy asked me if i was high when he talked to me in the morning. i wasnt high. just sleepy. i ate the 2 pieces of dry french toast and drank milk and talked about what we do everyday. he told me that he studies in his room a lot. he must jack off a lot.

then i went to another japanese friends room to see his new hair cut. i heard from a friend the night before that he got drunk by himself and shaved his own head. i saw him and he looked like a monkey. i saw his lighter, and asked him if he's ever sprayed paint at a fire. he said no, and he wanted to see what its like. we didnt have any spray paint, so we took his room mates hair spray and went out side. out side we saw a guy who is friends with everyone. he is good looking and he fucks a lot of women. i dont really like hanging out with him although he is nice to me. i never have anything to day. we lit the lighter and sprayed the spray at the fire. it wasnt that amazing. we laughed at it a little and decided to go back inside. then me and my japanese friend went to IQs, a coffee shop with pool tables. all the places to hang out on campus have lame names that make me mad. the bar is called Wise Guys, and there is a place to eat called Degrees. Fuck.

i bought chocolate milk and challenged my friend to a pool match. the loser has to pay for the table. i lost and had to pay him 3 bucks and 50 cents. im pretty low on money since i got fined 50 bucks for smoking weed right out side of the residence building. then we got sick of each other so we said bye to each other and left each other. i dont remember but i think i jacked off in my room after that.

then i decided to take a bus to downtown and walk around because i had absolutely nothing to do. i took a 30 minute bus ride. i walked around and saw around 100 native people smoking cigarettes. then i went into a mall, but everything was closed. i didnt know that everything closes at 5 pm on sundays. it was cold out side and i had nothing to do. i started feeling sad. then i decided to walk over to another part of town. i started walking, and i started making noises with my voice. i also started singing wolf parade songs to myself and it felt cool. a guy saw me singing. i dont know what he thought of me.

i got to the part of town i was walking to after around 30 minutes of walking. i thought i would check out a book shop that i saw when i was riding on the bus. i walked half way there and decided that ill just go back to univeristy. i went to the bus stop and saw my american friend. i walked up to him from behind and suddenly opened his back pack. he looked back and said hey fucker. i asked him if he thought some person was trying to steel stuff from his back pack. he told me he didnt knwo what was going on. we rode the bus, and it was crowded so we sat in different spots. i listened to my ipod and felt like nothing.

i got back to rez, and played my guitar for a bit and then went to eat. i saw the japanese guy i ate with in the morning. there was also a japanese girl there. i started talking, and i forgot that i had a japanese personality. i can talk faster in japanese, so it makes me different. it felt kind of good. we talked for 2 hours. then i went back to my room and wrote a poem for class. we have to make a mask and read a poem for class. here is the poem i wrote. its kind of lame.

You are my guilty pleasure.

im a fuckin bird
i watch you masterbate
from trees
i watch you laughing at your own jokes
from the sky
i watch you cry when youre sad
from your window
i watch you eat candy and watch tv
while i am stuck out side eating little dry pieces of old bread
i watch you do that thing that nobody knows about
but my brain is too small to remember any of this
so you dont have to worry

i still have to make a mask. im just going to tie a bunch of pieces of wood together. im too lazy to make a detailed mask. then i sat in my room, with nothing to do for 2 hours. i went through my whole itunes and listened to the good songs. i sent my parents and brother and japanese friends emails. then i went out side to go skating at around 2 am but it was too wet and cold to skate, so i came back to my room. then i got my shower gear ready, walked to the shower room and cleaned myself. i shampood my whole body. then i took a bath.

i did nothing till 3 30 am and then i layed in bed and tried to sleep. i dont like my life here. i am not comfortable talking to anyone. it feels like i always have to prove myself to people. its tiring.

today, i woke up at 12 pm and made a cup of tea, and walked to japanese class while drinking the tea. i take pride in this activity. i think its stylish. walking around while drinking tea and listening to music. i saw my american friend walking, and i went over to him and i got the response i was waiting for. he laughed at the tea cup. : ) . then i went to class and talked about japan with a geek who lived in the same city as me for one year. all the people in japanese class are anime geeks, or just plain nerds.

after class i went to eat. i had tacos and salad and tea and a bagel. me and my japanese friend that doesnt smoke pot much at all talked about how it would be cool to go somewhere where there arent many people, smoke pot, and run around. we smoked pot together once and he ran around campus listening to sum 41 dancing and skipping. i ran with him but i didnt have my ipod. he lent it to me, and he didnt have many songs that i liked, so i put on blink 182s whats my age again and ran around. i felt naked, good, lame, cool, and creative.

after lunch i went to drawing class, and had to draw cloth and glass. everyone was complaining that drawing still life was boring. a girl brought a kitten to class and everybody was playing with the pussy cat. they were treating it as though it were a pussy. after that, somebody said 'hey its snowing'. i looked out the window and it was snowing hard. the first hard snow of the year. ive had never seen so much snow in the air. i went out side and tears came out of my eyes because it felt nice. i went back inside and talked about drugs and then drew a girl and then drew a cat with slime coming out of its mouth, pouring onto a guy doing the peace sign with both of his hands, with 2 naked people standing on each side. it looked ok, but not great. then a guy asked me if i knew where he could get some pot, and i told him yeah, we can get some after class. after class, the guy and 2 girls came to my small room. i didnt want to call my dealer because its a pain in the ass. i had a gram of pot in my room so i gave it to the guy. i didnt care about giving it away because i am taking a break from bob marley life. does bob marley always have a smile on his face? no. getting high is normal to him. i wanna smile when i get high.

one of the girls was a tiny tiny tiny bit over weight. i had a little drawing on my wall of a melting person eating a chocolate bar and a banana. above it it says FAT. the guy commented on it and everybody looked at it and kind of laughed but the slightly over weight person didnt. i kind of felt sorry.

then we all went out of my room, and i said bye to them because i had to go eat dinner before my last class of the day. i had a sandwich and tea for dinner. i ate with japanese people.

then i went to film studies class. i took this class because i like some movies. it turns out that we watch old western movies, then watch parts over again, and then listen to an old boring man talk about it. im dropping it next semester. todays class was different though. we watched a modern movie. i forget what it was called, but it was about a family going to see the daughter that lives in new york for thanks giving. it was an ok movie. then the torture started. we started watching 2 scenes from the movie over and over. we watched the same scenes 4 times. after the third time i was pissed off and stressed out. then he said ok one last time, and i thought oh god man, come on man, you cant do this to me. i put my hood over my head and started making mad faces to myself. then i started saying the word 'fuck' over and over quietly. finally, after 3 hours of sitting, the class was done. he handed back everyones papers before we got to leave. we had to write papers about the movie "rebel without a cause". i seemed to be the only one in the class who didnt like it. he said "i wish you would have like it more". i got a C. he wrote "im sorry that you didnt like the film" on my paper at least 3 times. then i walked home and got a headache. it is getting too cold. then i came back, and im sitting here and my head still hurts. i have to make the mask for tomorrow soon, but i think i will go for a quick skateboard ride before i make it. its probably going to be too cold to have fun. maybe not. maybe my headache will ruin my skateboard ride.

oh, i also forgot that i had a cookie and some milk right when i got back from film studies class. it tasted good.